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about
I don't usually straight-up-talk-about-my-feelings in a song. In fact, I mostly dislike that type of lyrics. I tend to keep things light and fun and often I write in metaphor. For those reasons, I was really reluctant to release this song. But I think it is important to add my voice to the normalizing and de-stigmatizing of mental health issues for World Mental Health Day.
I wrote this song during a dark time (emotionally but also literally, around the darkest day of the year), when my husband was having a psychotic and manic episode, and was about to be hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This song tells a bit about the painful and confusing time I went through in those dark days, when that caring, compassionate, beautiful person you love is replaced with a monster.
People don't understand much about mental illness, even the people who deal with it on a daily basis. In my research and experience EVERY SINGLE CASE is different because it is so tied into people's diverse personalities, so looking for advice from people who think they know what you are going through can be very confusing. I don't want to give any advice but I will say that, for my husband, medication and modern medicine have been a life-changer. And for now we are living peacefully together, raising our son in harmony, with lots of love and laughter. It takes a very strong person to accept themselves with such humility and still find ways to give so much back to the world - he is greater than most.
On October 10th, WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY, this song goes out to anyone who has been in love with someone with a mental illness. And wishing you peace and happiness in whichever way you can find it.
The cover art includes a photo of the Yukon River, looking across at the Whitehorse General hospital where both my son and I were born. It was taken the morning after the darkest day of the year, December 22 - my husband's birthday. There is light on the horizon!
lyrics
LYRICS:
It’s lonely loving you.
It’s lonely loving you.
Every night I’m wishing,
You’ll come home and kiss me.
Every night I’m waiting for your call.
Every night I wonder,
What spell you’ve been under.
Every night I try not to bawl.
It’s lonely loving you.
It’s lonely loving you.
Every time I see you,
You’re waving from the rearview.
Every time I’m hoping you’ll stay.
Every time you wander,
It leaves me to ponder.
Is it worth it all at the end of the day?
released October 8, 2021
Written and performed by Claire Ness.
Produced and recorded by Daniel Janke.
Piano and bass by Daniel Janke.
Drums by Marc Paradis.
Soprano saxophone by Olivier de Colombel.
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